so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
