i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
