I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
