Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
