The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk is a universal language darling
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
