someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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