Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
