I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
