Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
