i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
