He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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