bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
