I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
