I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
