hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
