fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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