did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
