i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
