Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I smell stomach acid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
