I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
