I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
