They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
