I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
