I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
