How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
