I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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