thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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