I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
