In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
