I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
