If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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