I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
