Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
