You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
