If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
