:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
