just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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