2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
