Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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