Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
