Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
