4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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