not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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