So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
