i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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