I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
