But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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