i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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