Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
