My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
