Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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