remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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