I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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