My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
