i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
