Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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