in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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